between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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