hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
