The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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