you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
