Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
