I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm too high and old for this...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
