I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
