I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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