I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
