My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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