Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
