I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
