I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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