is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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