Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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