I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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