please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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