apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
