I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
