So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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