this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
