All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
