ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
