ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think I am morally bankrupt
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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