I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
