Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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