I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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