Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
