she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
