my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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