i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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