She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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