he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
