talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
