Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
