we have officially lost it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
