So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
