Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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