Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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