Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
