her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this just has baby written all over it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
