That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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