It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
