There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
