know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
