i barfeds in our rink
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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