i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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