I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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