I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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