My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
