We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
