u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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