This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
ttyl tear gas
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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