There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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