Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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