My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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